Courier columns – Rollin’ on the River with Mark Taylor

“The Trouble With The Quotes in Taylor’s Column is That You Can Never Be Sure They Are Real” – Abraham Lincoln

It is my belief that in MOST cases, things even-out in life. One good deed deserves another, an eye for eye and all that stuff. When I read a rhino poacher was killed by an elephant, I kind of figured that sometimes things just kind of even-out in the end, and maybe karma does catch up with you. I will say I’m pleased to see the rhinos and elephants are working together for a common good.   

You will recall that earlier in the month, Prince Phillip died and everybody had lots of nice things to say about him. Despite some of the more unflattering and politically incorrect things he said over the years, most people dug deep enough to find something good in their tributes. I realize that this may not always be possible.

Even if your last words were, “I’ll show ya’s a good trick. Here, hold my beer,” people would undoubtedly say you were entertaining and willing to try new and fun things. Sometimes, just a “Too bad she died, she made good donuts,” is enough to show you care about the deceased in some way. I think that if they called me up and asked me to eulogize the poor old rhino poacher, I’d say, “It’s too bad he died, but we all know he died doing what he loved the most.” Now that would bring tears to a glass eye.

Have you ever read something and thought, “Now why didn’t I think of that?” That happens to me all the time, but last week I noticed a story about a guy in Italy who got busted for being absent a lot from his job. Now this guy wasn’t your plain old Monday and Friday absenteeism type; he actually missed the last 15 years of work. I realize that there are lots of people who probably haven’t bothered working for 15 years, but this guy was getting paid his regular pay cheque and raked in almost $900,000 Canadian. I think the best thing about it was that he used threats to make sure he didn’t get docked for missing work at his job at the local hospital. I agree with this strategy wholeheartedly – the best defense is a good offense.

Apparently, he was supposed to be the safety officer which means he must’ve been doing a good job because if there were a lot of accidents, somebody would come looking for you. It’s been a while since I started a new job, but I do believe the employer usually would come looking for you after you didn’t show up for the first few days. “Oh, you said I started in 2005? I thought you said 2025! Sorry, my bad!”

The story says that the boss was paid a visit by somebody who “suggested” she just keep her mouth shut and leave him alone. The boss retired and the successor never knew about this guy. This is where I read between the lines and thought there could be some mob involvement.

You ever notice the big sting operations the cops get involved with always have code names that don’t make any sense? Headlines would appear like – “The RCMP who were operating under Operation Butterfly arrested the man who reportedly had 14 assault weapons, 45 grenades, and six cases of dynamite.” Well, this one was different.  This dude was fired in October and later arrested as part of an investigation aptly named Operation Part Time. Finally, something that makes perfect sense.

Now here’s something that doesn’t make a lot of sense but I am handing out an “A +” for being creative. Two Tennessee women were nabbed for allegedly trying to pass off a million-dollar bill at the local Dollar General Store. They were just in trying to pick up a few gift cards. I think the biggest flaw with this plan is that most places don’t carry enough cash to give you back your change. I may be crazy, but I’d go out and try to buy a new car and house if I had one of these things. Of course, I’d say, “Keep the change!”