Rollin’ on the River: “My tombstone? I’m thinking along the lines of ‘Geez, he was just here a minute ago.’” – George Carlin

Mark Taylor

I want to pass along my most sincere condolences to the many porcupine families who have lost loved ones recently on the treacherous roadways in our communities. One day I saw no less than four dead on the road and you have to think that some of them were probably coming from the Crow Bar. It has been increasingly dangerous now with less daylight hours and I want to say that wearing reflective tape is certainly something worth considering. I am calling on the government to step up to the plate and institute a catch and release program much like the one being used in our court system. Grab the critter and cover them with reflective material and let them go back into the wild; it’s that simple.

I saw an awesome thing recently called “Advice from a porcupine” that really hit home. Spend time in the woods, remember your good points, have a gentle spirit, don’t needle your friends, it’s OK to be a slowpoke, stay sharp and stick up for yourself. I also think that you shouldn’t rub people the wrong way, but what would I know? I’ve never been told that I rub people the wrong way. I’m more of a ‘A little bit of you goes a long way’ kind of guy.

I know that I’ve said this many times, but I think a drunk monkey could write some of the stories on the internet. “The biggest interview mistakes to avoid at all costs” was one that caught my eye. There were some unbelievable tips like don’t turn up late, dress appropriately, don’t wear new shoes, review your key points and switching off your phone. I must say the one about the shoes was a little puzzling. Apparently, they might be uncomfortable and cause you to be on edge and potentially fidgeting in a bid to ease the discomfort. I don’t know what kind of torturous footwear some people buy but I guess there must be new styles out there with razor blades in them. Another one was that you should not lie or over-exaggerate about past employment or achievements. If your last job saw you have 200 people under you, then by all means it’s worth mentioning. Just because you mowed the cemetery lawn, it might be a good idea to throw that in just in case it might appear to have been misrepresented. I skimmed through the rest and to my shock, there was mention of asking what the company’s views were on Monday and Friday absenteeism. That way, if you get hired, you already know the scoop. Another great tip is to point at any photos they might have of their family, and say, “Who are those idiots?” I think that it is considered a great ice breaker and will get you a nice laugh to begin the interview. Always remember to throw in the ever-safe remark, “Hey, I was only kidding!” if they seem to take any offense.

I think you would have to file this one under “I never even thought of it.” The headline read: “What happens to Camilla if King Charles dies first?” Just so you don’t have to read this one, here’s the Cole’s Notes: she will become Queen Dowager, the title given to the widow of a king. The only reason I even bothered with this was that I foolishly thought that she might go grab a job somewhere to make ends meet, but that doesn’t appear to be the case. I think I read somewhere that King Charles has been saving his beer bottles for years and has built up a nice little nest egg, so she shouldn’t be hurting financially. Whenever I read about this family, I always think of the George Carlin saying about what dogs do on their days off. They can’t just lay around; that’s their job.

Mark Taylor is a long-time Courier columnist whose views on life and living are usually unconventional and definitely outside the box. He’s a true Charlotte County boy who has the right to remain silent, but not the ability.

Mark Taylor

Mark Taylor is a long-time Courier columnist whose views on life and living are usually unconventional and definitely outside the box. He’s a true Charlotte County boy who has the right to remain silent, but not the ability.