Rollin’ on the River: “You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: Never try.” – Homer Simpson

Mark Taylor

I’ve always been fascinated with the moon and have made it abundantly clear that I want to go there for a trip sometime.

You can just imagine how glad I was to read that Nokia is going to install the first 4G communications network on the moon. Although I’m not 100 per cent certain what all that means, I do realize it’s a good thing for somebody like me who is considering some travel plans. By the way, not knowing anything about a subject has never stopped me from commenting and reporting on it in the past. It is my understanding that when the manned spaceships start up, they will be able to get some good cell service when they get to the moon. I know I can speak for a lot of people in New Brunswick who applaud such a move, even though there are all kinds of dead spots in our province where a couple soup cans and a long string would work better than a cellphone. After all, how else are the astronauts going to call Skip the Dishes or bet online on Bet 99 or any of the gambling sites that appear 800 times during one NHL playoff game?

It blows me away that players obviously are not allowed to gamble but are all over the TV ads. It reminds me of a doctor I went to see as an adolescent and he was smoking a cigarette in his office and he told me, “Mark, you should never smoke. It’s not good for you.” I always thought he’d probably smoke more if he didn’t cough so much. If I’m lying, I’m dying.

I read a rather bizarre story about a woman in Utah who wrote a children’s book about grief after her husband died. To make this even crazier, she has now been charged with murder. Believe it or not, she even went on a TV show called Good Things Utah to promote her book, Are you with me? I do want to stress that she has not been found guilty of anything because I know a lot of people reading this in Utah are probably ready to throttle me. I say, “Get in line!”

It’s too bad that Jerry Springer is gone to the great beyond, because this would have made a nice story for his show. I realize it’s probably no “I married a horse” or “Married to your Dad but I want you back” but still it would make for some great TV. If she did do this, I can see how she’d be torn when writing the book. To me, it must be how OJ Simpson must’ve felt when he offered up a reward to catch the “real killers.” Truth is stranger than fiction.

I recently read a news story where I learned two things at once. One is that there are actual world championships for breakdancing and the other is that it’s going to be added to the Paris Olympics next year. I’m probably too late to the game, so there’s no possible way I can prepare in time, plus I missed the first training camp this past March. However, I can say that I’ve witnessed some real talent in my days around the local hunting camp scene. I’m trying to get ahold of the head coach of the Canadian team, Nick Robinson, to see if he can come down this way in October to do some scouting. I’m already lining up some lads that are willing to showcase their moves. The problem I’m having with my crew is whether they test for alcohol before the events. I know they are hard on athletes who try to gain an edge with steroids and other performance enhancing drugs, but I’m not sure about booze. I know it may sound crazy, but technically, beer is performance enhancing for the people I’ve seen breakdancing.

Mark Taylor is a long-time Courier columnist whose views on life and living are usually unconventional and definitely outside the box. He’s a true Charlotte County boy who has the right to remain silent, but not the ability.

Mark Taylor

Mark Taylor is a long-time Courier columnist whose views on life and living are usually unconventional and definitely outside the box. He’s a true Charlotte County boy who has the right to remain silent, but not the ability.