The three little sentences to get you through life: 1) Cover for me, 2) Oh, good idea, boss, 3) It was like that when I got here” — Homer Simpson

I get frustrated listening to people who go on and on about how their little voice or small actions can’t make a difference. I’m here to say that you can and I’m living proof. Towards the end of last week, our area got soaked with rain that seemed to be never ending. It was if somebody had stepped on a spider’s nest. I put up with it as long as I could and then I sprang into action. I wasn’t sure what to do, but I assessed the situation and went straight to the source. After all, how did I even know the rain was coming? You guessed it, I saw it on TV. I called both CBC and CTV news and although I couldn’t afford it, I gave them a piece of my mind. I told them to cancel the rain and within a few hours, it stopped. I left messages for them to call me back and at “press time,” I hadn’t received a call back. I may not be the sharpest tool but at least I get things done. You’re welcome.

I like to think that if you are a faithful reader of this column, that once in a while, you actually learn something. I will pass along something that maybe not a lot of people know; I certainly didn’t know it. Did you know that those little plastic inserts in your shirt collars are called, “stays.” I also found that old credit or debit cards can be cut up and used if you lose yours. I learn something new every day and forget five, so I’m in a bit of a losing situation here. For the record, I also turn down the music in my vehicle when I’m trying to see something better.

I had this joke come up on my desk calendar last week that I thought was just too funny not to share. A bear attacked me and instead of playing dead, I played dad. Now the bear can ride a bicycle without training wheels. Now that’s funny!

I noticed a story the other day about a woman who lied on her resumé to get a job. I suspect she’s not the first or last to do this, and from all accounts, it has changed her life. She took 18 months off when she had her daughter and instead of having a big gap in her work history, she made up a consulting firm where she said she was doing accounting work. I’ve never really went this far but will say I may have stretched the truth a bit to sound like I was really important. When asked if I had ever held any supervisory roles, I once said that I held a job where I had over 200 people under me. Now that does sound quite impressive and surprisingly enough, nobody seemed to question it. It was worth a try and it worked, but if I would’ve got called out on it, I probably would’ve had to say that I was mowing the lawn at a cemetery. Also, I was well-respected and nobody gave me any back talk. Another somewhat related story was about a guy who had over 30,000 job interviews under his belt and his big question to applicants is, “Tell me about yourself.” Supposedly, it’s used to evaluate your confidence and get a pulse on your goals and priorities. I didn’t really read the story, but can tell you what to say. The best response is, “My theory is to hire a lazy person as they will find the easiest way to do a job. I’m lazy as a rug on Valium. I am drawn to places with laid-back policies on Monday and Friday absenteeism. Actually, I’d rather not tell you too much more about myself as I really need this job.”

Mark Taylor

Mark Taylor is a long-time Courier columnist whose views on life and living are usually unconventional and definitely outside the box. He’s a true Charlotte County boy who has the right to remain silent, but not the ability.